I am Lauren. I am Mother. I am Wife. I am Daughter. I am Creator.
We are a Homeschooling Family living in Lafayette Colorado.
My Son was born at home without interference at age 30.
I stopped working completely mid pregnancy to allow myself to transition like a butterfly from maiden to mother.
I’ve been cocooning for more than 2 years now.
I began teaching Feminine Movement and Meditation in my early 20s.
I experienced the inside of several “divine feminine” organizations and was thrown into the underbelly of all that is out of alignment in that industry.
It took me years to recover from that trauma and confusion.
I found the feminine teacher was inside my body, as my body and my menstrual cycle.
I started making things with my hands, and rekindling my love of movement as a trained dancer through yoga, qi gong, meditation and sound.
I started making Malas and Prayer beads for people, it healed my realtionship to creative work and business.
I made it my prayer to allow motherhood to take me into her depths and mother me. I allowed my calling to be a wife to overcome me.
Being Pregnant was such a Joy.
Experiencing the darkness of the Death of my Maidenhood and the Lack of Community for New Mothers in our culture lit a slow burning fire inside me.
Breastfeeding, Bedsharing, Child Led weaning and Respectful and truthful parenting have been guides.
Wifehood. Respecting my Husband. Learning to honor the Men in my life has been a true gift in softening into real feminine power.
I belong to the one religion that pervades all. The one being. The one teacher. The one master. My faith is strong.
I have allowed some wisdom to flow through me and let it begin to have its way in my life and in the world.
She is called Feminine Rhythm.
And her mission is to mother women who were not taught to love, respect and honor the mysteries and beauty of the female body and her cycles.
I’ve been on quite a journey, let me tell you some of my stories, and show you some of my life in photos.
Here’s a bit of me over the years, from seeking 20-something to mother and wife
I Honor my Teachers:
Rachael Jayne Groover- The Art of Feminine Presence
Sarah Bryden- MogaDao Sacred Sexuality, Cosmological Qi Gong + Chinese 5 Element Theory
Murshida Va- Sufi Murshid, Spiritual Guide, Ancestral Reclamation, and Musician
Namaste Moore- Wife School and SOFT
Denise Byron- Sensuous Wisdom
Inspired and Influenced by the Writings And Work of:
Zhenzan Dao/Mogadao Institute
Sarah Sophia Eisenman
Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Tammy Lynn Kent
The Origin Story of Living your Creative Rhythm
The study of my own menstrual cycle, the cycles of the seasons and the cycles of the moon began to deepen July 2015 when I ended up at my parents house after a breakup and what some people call a “come to jesus” moment.
It began at my roots in my childhood room while I sat with intense emotions of grief, loss, and confusion. Not to mention RAGE.
It began when I started slowly getting out of bed and listening to what my body was asking for. Sweetness. Kindness. Honor. Structure.
It began after receiving a very clear message during a solstice ceremony that my focus for the next 6 months was not about work, money, or business ,but about…
Are you sure I’m not supposed to be focusing on what I need to do to create stability with my income or go deeper into my work in the world?
When I let myself sink into the FEELING of this vision. I felt how good it felt. And so I followed. Using every spiritual tool I ever learned plus some I didn’t know I had.
I spoke to ancestors living and not living. I prayed. I wrote. I cried. I oil massaged my body once, sometimes twice a day. I did qigong. I prayed some more. I started playing guitar. I started writing songs. I cried some more. I did self vaginal massage daily to release the trauma and tension. I began to focus my attention on simple body needs like food, water, and rest. I studied herbs and ayurveda and hormones. I ate ktichari and learned to make herbal infusions and tinctures.
My parents thought I was nuts.
I barely had any money and no one to guide me…
but I had her. My cycle. My body. My listening.
I wanted to know how my body really worked as a rhythmic and cyclical creature.
And after a period of weeks, things shifted. I met a man. I felt creative in way I never did. I felt inspired and clear. I entered into the sweetest falling in love experiences ever, with myself, and then with myself in the presence of a man… and then with the man himself.
A few cycles later I became pregnant… and am now growing this little life and family in a whole new way.
Over the last year my own study of the cycles of life and body in combination with my previous lives of being a personal trainer, a nutrition coach, and a feminine presence meditation teacher seemed to blossom into something that feels much more…me.
And it’s taken me a while to get the ovarios to offer this course to you all.
My method of understanding the phases and rhythms of the body and cycles, including the cycles of the outer world is incredibly fun, validating to you as a woman, and practical in your daily life.
If you want to learn to accept yourself in a way you never have, to treat yourself with honor and care, and then to bring this into your relationships and how you structure your family and work world, I would love to have you with us.
In The Summer of 2016 I taught an 8 week class and study on menstrual mapping and living the cycles of your body and life ( instead of them manipulating you into self hatred and feeling drained by everyone else’s time tables).
And about 15 women participated. I was pregnant with my Son.
Whether you want to conceive a child, this practice is about so much more. It’s about healing your relationship to your womanhood, your period, and your body.
Your cycle is your creative teacher, your highest spiritual guide, and a loving friend. I love my period so much that I really miss her, even though I love the experience of being pregnant. I was so in tune with that part of my body and how it guided me that being pregnant feels a bit scary and unknown. It’s not as predictable as a monthly cycle or as easy to learn since it only happens a few times or never in a woman’s life.
How I Navigated Post Natal Depletion without Weaning
I’d love to offer up a dialogue on breastfeeding as a pathway in surrender, self care, boundaries and gentelness
My son is 22 months(**at the time I wrote this) and my intention is to let him self wean.
We also bedshare.
Until he was 14-15 months, he wouldn’t sleep unless he was attached to my boob or body. And I obliged happily until my body started talking and I became incredibly angry. I wore him in wraps. I layed right next to Him for every nap, yes, even when we napped 3 times a day. Mostly sleeping with him but sometimes not.. sometimes too much on my phone, to my own detriment as that was so depleting.
whenever he was in a growth spurt or teething he nursed a lot more. Our normal routines changed. I would get angry. Until I realized he was growing or teething and understood his needs.
He would never sleep on his own until almost 11-12 months I could sneak my boob away for 20
Min, maybe an hour.
I still lay with him for nap time today. And I sleep. And I find that it’s much needed down time for me. He only nurses until he’s gotten his fill of milk and then pops off and rolls over or I take my boob out when I’m ready.
Each time I hit an impasse with our journey, especially after 15 months I would consider if I needed to wean him even though he was clearly not ready or done.
Around 16 months I stared feeling the cultural conditioning of still breastfeeding past 16-18 months and it messed with my mind.
And my frustration would reach levels that eventually led me to explore what it was I was truly needing. ( while literally screaming at him GET OFF ME or GET AWAY FROM ME, pushing him away from my boobs) hellloooo shadow
And every time, our transition was asking of me to look at patterns of codependency or addictive behaviors with my phone etc, patterns of getting so overwhelmed I was not eating or drinking enough food, forgetting my vitamins etc. needing to grieve something… loss of my maidenhood, loss of his babyness, loss of my partnership the way it was, loss of freedoms, time. Ancestral grief and feeling unsupported.
It was immense feelings.
And each time…
Sometimes gracefully and sometimes not so much…
I was able to sink deeper into the letting go process of my sons growth and my own growth as a mama. I learned how to tune in to what I needed and then take actions to prioritize those. I asked for more help. I asked more from my partner etc. I stopped expecting myself to have everything clean all the time and used my time away from baby to sleep. I stopped trying to fill my away from baby time with creative projects or more stuff that truly drained me. I had to really learn what replenished me and get super real with how much energy I had to spare. Be brave with my voice.
Eventually I needed time to move my body, to come back to my basic and so loved physical self care routines, to put focus on making those habits and grooves in my brain again.
In the winter I tried to sleep train him and nearly traumatized us both, but learned the importance of slowness and not expecting us to make big changes so quickly. And in time I had to use my voice and my boundaries to say no during the night when I needed to rest from having him on me. I had to be aware of my bodies position and make sure I wasn’t compromising my alignment, or not-going pee in order to not wake him up. I had to slowly prioritize myself again. And when I did those things, we returned to bedsharing and when I was needing a break I just said “booby break time it’s time for sleep” and he got it, and went back to sleep. (After many nights of laying with him while he cried and cried next to me or in my arms for milk)
Eventually I needed time to pray and meditate.
Eventually I needed to pay way more attention to what I was eating, especially during growth spurts.
Eventually I needed time with mama friends on a regular basis.
Eventually, I learned that the tv could give me much needed breaks to myself.
And so on…
It has been like unraveling an onion.
If he wants to nurse all the time and I get frustrated I just am ok with being frustrated. He is learning that his mother is a human with a body and she has her own needs and feelings.
I try to notice when he is nursing out of habit or because he wants my attention. And then try my best to see what it is I’m doing, where I’m not being present with myself. And I try to shift the unhealthy pattern into something else. Offering hugs. Food. Outside time.
And every time I get nervous that maybe he won’t ever wean himself, when my body starts to scream at me I can’t do this anymore… if I just wait it out, and make the changes I NEED TO MAKE, he naturally becomes more spacious. During the night, during the day. And our nursing journey evolves onward.
I feel like the journey of breastfeeding. Especially with intention to self wean is such a powerful practice if one uses it that way.
It’s not for everyone. But having gotten this far, i see how worth it it is.
I see it in his happy attitude, in his freedom with emotions, in his playfulness with my own anger even towards him, in his interactions with others.
I hear it from other adults who interact with him. In how amazed they are at how he communicates or listens and understands.
This is his training in deep intimacy.. the beauty and the darkness of it. The conflicts and the collaboration.
He has softened me and I have sharpened him.
I hope someday his wife gets to receive the gifts of this kind of hands on training of being nourished by feminine energy
The Power of 3 Cycles
It was about this time of year when I first had a dream where a child came to me, and looked me in the eyes and it terrified me.
Around the following winter solstice, 3 cycles later, the desire to be a mother blossomed in my body. I saw a woman and a toddler in dance class. It was a magical moment of play and attuned mother-babyness.
I texted my friend that day, I want to be a mom!
On the following spring equinox, 3 cycles later, I was sharing my desire to “just be in a house” to “just be allowed to be” to “have land” to slow down.
On the following summer solstice, I was in a ceremony and the leader said face the south and ask the south what you should be focusing on for the next 6 months: and as I tuned in, I was awaiting news and instruction for how to grow my business, how to make more money, etc. instead what came was instruction saying “land, husband, baby”… to my confusion.
By the following fall equinox, I had recognized the person whom this baby was supposed to come with (as I had none at the solstice)
And by the following winter solstice, we conceived a child.
There is magic in 3 moon cycles.
And you can follow the creation:
First , a dream seed. Then 3 cycles to let that sit and steep.
Second, visceral desire and self acknowledgement of the desire. Allowing the feeling to flower. Energetic conception of the original dream… 3 cycles to let that steep.
Third, working out the details and the vision of the desire that landed. 3 cycles to let that work.
Fourth, receiving louder and clearer guidance on the summer solstice. 3 cycles to let that steep and integrate.
Fifth, physical manifestation of the seeds of the dream (meeting the man). 3 cycles to sit with that.
Sixth, physical conception and pregnancy.
And onward we go…
Are you seeing it?
It’s not anything I planned with my mind or “manifested” into existence. And I can only see this pattern by looking backwards at how it occurred and noticing the rhythm.
Are you paying attention?
About The Work of Feminine Rhythm
The work Lauren stewards, which she calls “The Feminine Rhythm”, is a call to women to remember how to honor, care for, and respect the beauty of their female bodies, souls and natural cycles. Her passion is to inspire women to make lives that mean something to them and remember the deep art of slowness, presence, care and nurturing that come from the feminine spirit.
Her work helps creative, trailblazing women who are on the ground making their lives and families a thing of beauty and aligned with the call of mother earth to bring harmony and balance back to humanity’s relationship to nature.
She’ll teach you sustainable practices to awaken your sensuality, your creativity, and to couragously slow down and honor your body as sacred.
She’ll help you navigate your way back to natural kindness towards yourself, wisdom in living in sync with your cycles, and cultivating healthy loving partnerships.
By cultivating a tangible love for self, trusting our own bodies, and healing patterns and wounds that leave us untrusting, over giving, shut down, bitter, exhausted and resentful, women can learn to let their bodies be the spiritual guide they are meant to be and experience their natural joy, creativity, and generosity.
She mentors a small number of women privately and teaches classes on the menstrual cycle and understanding the femaie landscape and energy system.
She has been teaching and studying this work for over 10 years and continues to live it in her daily life growing a family and learning to love and be loved in Colorado.