The evolved man: A brief look into what he won’t do, will do, and needs from you

What he won’t do:

  • Coddle you
  • Agree with everything you do and say
  • Make it safe and secure for you
  • Make it comfortable for you
  • Make it easy for you
  • Let you hide behind him… for very long
  • Entertain the ways you try to consciously or unconsciously manipulate him
  • Play into unconscious power struggles

At some point, you realize that he is SAFE because he is real and because of all that he won’t do.

What he has been known to do:

  • Stay up all night with you helping you unravel your shame, repressed anger and guilt
  • Encourage you to get angry at him and tell him exactly how you feel
  • Call you on your bullshit and your stories and let you work it out on your own
  • Give you presence and attention that is like water to your rose buds
  • Want you to blossom and succeed more than he wants that for himself
  • Provide you with a wide open space of freedom to roam the world in ( which if you don’t want to be free inside somewhere is really hard to receive)
  • Commit himself to helping you grow into your full potential
  • Help you go very deep into your core wounds so that you can clear them out
  • Keep sex very sacred and whole with you
  • Be Generally more private and contained with his sexuality and choice of sexual partners (I said private not prude)

At some point, you realize that he is much more than you ever gave him credit for.

He needs you to:

  • Learn to listen to him… like really listen. Like stop defending, stop talking, stop asking questions and listen.
  • See him as a unique man, allow him to be who he is instead of who you expect him to be
  • Learn to soothe yourself, do what fills you up, and make it part of your joy and job to come to make his life better and more enjoyable as much as you can
  • Be vulnerable, real, and honest with yourself so you can be honest with him
  • Show him your emotions, your REAL emotions, not just talk about them
  • Have support systems so you can process your stuff and come to him with more clarity and communication that empowers you both instead of shuts you both down
  • Openly share your appreciation to him, a lot
  • Learn to hold space for his emotions and his pain as much as you expect him to do it for you
  • Be responsible for your actions, feelings, and relationships

At some point, you realize that you can either bring the best out in him or the worst, and that is YOUR responsibility.

What he is NOT:

  • A free flowing, go with the flow, searching for my shakti to my shiva kinda guy
  • A misbehaving woman ( thank you Alison Armstrong)
  • Someone you own or control
  • A pawn in the grande scheme of your life plan
  • Having sex with a harem of women

At some point, you realize that you’ve put WAY too many expectations on him, and yourself. And it’s time to take him off that pedestal.

The evolved man relationship, if we can even call it that, is one that is real. It is inside of reality and inside of reality, we see all our shit and all our glory. There is literally NO PLACE to go and NO WHERE to run with him.

And that, surprisingly is the exact opposite of fairy tale, prince charming, twilight version of what we grew up on. It’s not always fun or light or easy. A lot of the time it’s messy and real and full of experiences that you need to grow.

And inside of this container, your wild, most real essence can come out, if you’re willing to get in the muck and learn to stand on your own two feet.