I was conversing with a future version of myself today. I asked a deep question I seek answers to. She said: fully love and accept yourself and you will see.
I felt my heart drop and heard myself say “But when I fully love and accept myself, everything in my life falls apart.”
And my future self just smiled at me with love and said “yes it will. And what is on the other side of that is glorious.”
It was right there that I had an Ah ha moment.
“Holy Shit. This is what I’ve been telling everyone else. And now I see it being reflected back within myself. How did I not see this before?”
Most recently I’ve been working with a few of my clients on their relationship challenges specifically around feeling insecure and jealous around other women and or noticing that the men they are just not matching their energy the way they want.
I hear all kinds of things, but basically what it boils down to is some realization that they are unhappy because they don’t have time for, or just don’t do the things that naturally fill them up and make them happy. When I ask why they stop doing the things that fill them up, they say “well when I do that our relationship falls apart.”
To which my response is “I see, so why are you trying to hold something together that falls apart when you be more you? If when you be more you, something starts to dissolve, don’t waste your precious life force energy trying to control it together. Allow it to fall apart. Allow it to be what it is. He will either meet you or you will be clear on what you need to do or communicate.”
And there it was staring me in the face only, in my relationship to myself, to life. I could clearly see how much energy I have been using trying to mold myself to others so that I can keep together whatever it is I think that my life should be like. Because when faced with the answer of, simply be more you, just love and allow yourself to be, my thought was, but how will I keep my life together? How exhausting.
BOOM… there’s the truth bomb for us all. So the question for me now is, am I willing to let it all go? I’m in the midst of creating a whole new reality for myself. New possibilities. Letting go of programs and codes in my system that just are not in resonance with where I want to be. I often feel like I am reality tripping in the middle of letting go of the old and allowing space for the new to come into being.
What I saw while in conversation with my future self was a paper map of my whole reality disintegrating and getting sucked into a black hole. It wasn’t just a lil change, it was like, ok if you want this, you’re stepping into something completely new. You know nothing. Total emptiness. Space. Freedom.
It’s both exhilarating and freeing and totally f-ing scary.
If you don’t believe, like really believe that the universe has your back, then change usually always feels scary and uncomfortable. My fear at totally letting go so that I can allow what I actually want to come in tells me where my gap is in trusting that I’m always taken care of and that the universe is always conspiring in my favor.
Falling apart is not, as we’ve been conditioned, a sign that everything is falling apart.
When your life is ‘falling apart’, you need to check in with yourself. Have you been BEing more yourSELF or less yourSELF?
Have you been following the callings of your soul or have you been fragmenting yourself?
If things are seemingly falling away due to you being more you, that’s a great thing. It’s not always easy or comfortable because we have become so attached to who we think that we are and our minds just can’t quite grasp at the idea that we really are being totally taken care of by the universe.
If things are falling away due to you being less you, fragmenting yourself, going against your heart calling, being out of integrity, that is also a great thing. It’s not always easy or comfortable here either, but at least it usually makes more ‘sense’ to us.
The thing is, we need to re calibrate what we think Sense and Logic are to us.
Your physical eyes only show you 1% of what is actually available to you. There is an infinite well of intelligence that is always organizing itself based on the vibration you are offering and the desires that you put out into the world.
I used to think it was logical to continue to do work that was simple and easy because I knew I could make money doing it and that would keep me safe and happy. I used to think it was logical to agree with everyone else so that I could keep myself in harmony with everyone and out of conflict. I used to think it was logical to ignore the calling of my heart because there was no way that doing that would lead me anywhere ‘safe’.
Well, do I want to have money without a nourishing and soul filled life? What kind of harmony is actually being created when I’m withholding feelings, thoughts, and emotions simply to keep the peace? Do I want to stay deeply connected to the calling of my heart and trust my own inner knowing above anyone else’s or do I want to follow the safe road that everyone else is traveling?
These are the questions we must all ask ourselves when we decide to surrender to ourSELVES.
So, fellow soul journeyer and reality trippers, remember this when everything is falling apart; How cool is it that we live in a place where when something isn’t aligned with you are becoming it just dissolves itself so that what IS even more awesome for you can come on in?