Ressurection: Unearthing a childhood dream

When I stopped thinking about my legacy and started appreciating each little moment. When I stopped thinking about what I want to be known for in my work and started asking myself how I WANT TO KNOW MYSELF When I stopped thinking I needed to be a spiritual guru, teacher, channel, business chick, cool entrepreneur… When I realized that it’s about the experience of life that I’d LOVE to have this time around. When I realized that running women’s circles and talking about the feminine isn’t the ultimate goal of my life. When I grieved and grieved the loss of something so existential from my childhood and the choices I have made, the way I’ve circled around my own joy. Avoiding it. When I stopped feeling responsible for healing the burdens of my lineage. When I started to put my time and energy into something that brings me joy. When I started to make movement my priority. Training my body a priority. Caring for my body so I can get in my 10,000 hours. When I heard the universe asking me “WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE? you get to decide. That is what this year is about for you.” Inside I hear myself screaming. I’m a dancer. I’m a fucking dancer. I choose...
What you DON’T need when you are stuck (dancing involved)

What you DON’T need when you are stuck (dancing involved)

There is an epidemic happening: It’s called Information Overload.  What I hear often from women I work with is “I feel like I have so much information, TOO much information, so much so that I don’t even know what to do with it all”. They say to me “I just feel frustrated, I can see all my patterns, what I need to change or do, but I just can’t do it, and I am stuck.” At this point, most of us (including me) get caught in a cycle of seeking outside for answers. The next book, the next teacher, the next workshop, the next thing that will help you move forward. But here’s the thing: Most often at this place in your cycle, what’s happening is not that you need more information, it’s that you are too full and havn’t digested anything. You are avoiding feeling something, avoiding your body, avoiding being present. And nothing, NOTHING, else will help you move forward until you understand how to come back home, get connected, and realize that the clarity you really want comes after you’ve returned to yourself, not after you buy that next course. This video is about how to gain your own insight by going within BEFORE you go outside to take action. Because nothing you do outside is ever gonna feel good if you don’t feel connected to yourself. It’s also a video that was created on two levels. This weekend I happened to record myself freestyle dancing in my new house and when I started to edit this particular words of wisdom, I though to myself, I...
What Happens When a Man Shows you Where He Stands

What Happens When a Man Shows you Where He Stands

I’ll never forget the feeling, sitting next to him on the sidewalk, feeling his presence. He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t warm. Yet he wasn’t closed to me either. He was clear. He was standing his ground. He was driving his stake further into the earth. My body was reeling. All kinds of knots inside me were becoming present. Not the knots of danger or warning, but the knots of old held onto emotions, things to be let go of. The sort of knots that were putting me face to face with my self, with what I needed to look at and be responsible for. The places I had been placing blame I felt myself wanting to grab his attention, fix myself, fix him, do something to make the uncomfortable feeling in my body go away. I felt like I had disappointed him and myself. For a woman, there is a distinct flavor of feeling when a man that we love feels disappointed in us. It’s not the most fun feeling. It brings up all our deepest fears and emotions about abandonment and feeling unworthy. But what happened as I just sat, staying fiercly with myself and my own internal emotions instead of running from them, was quite amazing. I looked over at him and I felt so pulled in, I felt a polarity I hadn’t felt in a while. It was so strong. His face became even more attractive, his walk was more potent, he became that much more fuck-able. His center of gravity got deeper. This was the presence of a man who wasn’t willing...
The Gift of Being Twenty Something…

The Gift of Being Twenty Something…

Your twenties are about tempering your gifts and your spirit. You are a wild horse that is learning to be more precise and more efficient. You are a chaotic mess that is learning to find it’s center in the midst of it all. You are learning what you are made of and learning to amplify your own presence to impact your life and the world. This is not an easy or comfortable process. Never let anyone say otherwise. You don’t want easy. You want growth. You want surprise. You want to fully experience what life has to offer. No. This is not easy. It’s challenging. It’s hard sometimes. You’re climbing a mountain and this requires endurance. You need spiritual and emotional endurance. You’ll need will along with strength. There will be emotional outbursts. There will be tantrums. There will be crazy. There will be mistakes and messes. There will be unexplainable and uncontrollable rage. There will be lots of tears. There will be grief and letting go. There will be bubbles that burst. Reality checks will hit you like a ton a bricks. There will be dark places and scary things. But your job is to remember the light. Remember that in the blackness of the night sky there are always stars. You are made of them. And you have a choice to remember the light, to focus on the light. You have a choice. And you must make it every second of every day.  This is what responsibility is. The choice to see the light. The choice to choose happiness even in the darkest of places. This is...
It’s OK to not know what you want

It’s OK to not know what you want

This is the single biggest question that has pulled me off my center that I’ve ever come across. What do you WANT? What do you DESIRE. Answering this question is like a house of cards. On the one hand we are told that we have to know what we want exactly in order for it to come into manifest reality. On the other, what happens if what you ask for isn’t really what you want and when you get there you’re not any happier? So we get stuck in this place asking for things constantly, exhausting ourselves trying to be the creator of our realities and not actually enjoying the simple moments of our everyday lives. Up until about a year ago, I was on this goose chase always asking for more, always clarifying my desires, and always ending up being a failure if I didn’t have it happen, or feeling strangely unfulfilled if it did happen because once it did it was on to the next thing already. I didn’t really know what I wanted, but I felt afraid to not know because well, then what would happen to my life? How could I be sure that I would have the life I wanted? Every other powerful woman I know knows what they clearly. If I can’t know this, why would anyone even want to be around me? How will I make money and feel safe? How will I be of value to anyone? The truth was I couldn’t know what would happen in my life. I had no way of knowing what would show up if I...
Presence is a Movement: A Peak into the Stillness of the Heart

Presence is a Movement: A Peak into the Stillness of the Heart

For a moment, just a moment all the parts of you, all the selves collapse into one being. And you relax. Your heart is what it is, expanded or contracted. And it’s in those moments when I feel terrified or exhilarated, because it’s in those moments when I am really living my life. Immersed. It’s this practice. The surrender to this collapsing, this merging of selves (like merging all the layers in a photoshop document), that we learn to come back to over and over that brings us home. Bring us into our singular presence. Thoughts might not go away, but they melt through me like a ticker tape. My attention moves from my head to my heart to my womb to my whole center spiraling. Presence is a movement. A cyclical spiraling motion always beating and moving. Turning over and over like a turbine, constant flow. Receiving and giving, receiving and giving. And it’s the ability to be still with ALL of that aliveness inside of me, to hold all of that, but still let it move, still surrender, that helps me feel myself. Reference myself. Commune with the life around me. Feel into what is being asked of me. Command my intention. Being still with all of that is the most difficult thing of...