Presence is a Movement: A Peak into the Stillness of the Heart

Presence is a Movement: A Peak into the Stillness of the Heart

For a moment, just a moment all the parts of you, all the selves collapse into one being. And you relax. Your heart is what it is, expanded or contracted. And it’s in those moments when I feel terrified or exhilarated, because it’s in those moments when I am really living my life. Immersed. It’s this practice. The surrender to this collapsing, this merging of selves (like merging all the layers in a photoshop document), that we learn to come back to over and over that brings us home. Bring us into our singular presence. Thoughts might not go away, but they melt through me like a ticker tape. My attention moves from my head to my heart to my womb to my whole center spiraling. Presence is a movement. A cyclical spiraling motion always beating and moving. Turning over and over like a turbine, constant flow. Receiving and giving, receiving and giving. And it’s the ability to be still with ALL of that aliveness inside of me, to hold all of that, but still let it move, still surrender, that helps me feel myself. Reference myself. Commune with the life around me. Feel into what is being asked of me. Command my intention. Being still with all of that is the most difficult thing of...
The *Struggle* of Writing with Authenticity

The *Struggle* of Writing with Authenticity

Yes, it’s the truth that I am who I am today because of the path of my life and what I went through, but I think the value of human experience and the gift of being able to articulate my experience and the lessons I learned are to share them with humanity so that other people don’t have to go through the same thing. This is how we evolve human consciousness. This is how we help each other; when we have the courage to share our experiences and our feelings as honestly as possible. When we share from a place where we just can’t help from writing the words, making the video, or saying the thing we want to say. When we share because our heart still feels for that younger version of ourselves that is in the exact same place as we were. Because we see ourselves in another. And that kind of sharing is brave. Sometimes what you say will be messy. Sometimes it will cause others to get angry. Sometimes it melts hearts. Almost all change occurs through re-organization and a period of chaos and disharmony. I had to get comfortable in my own journey with being not only someone who would inspire good feelings, hope, love, and empowerment for people, but also that what I have to say is gonna cause some discomfort and make people upset, not like me as much. It sounds simple really, but for someone like me who spent my whole life people pleasing, it was very very hard to get used to. I constantly *struggle* with my writing and my...
When a man has no agenda with your heart:

When a man has no agenda with your heart:

I feel like some big part of my heart just got put back together, I told him. You mean the part of your heart that wanted to run away? he asked. Yes, I said with a laugh. And in that moment, I got it. Like, I GOT it: In my body, in my bones, in my heart got it. I had woken up that morning with a tightness in my chest that was all too familiar. I needed to reconnect with myself, I needed space, I was sinking in with this man and I was afraid I would lose myself, lose my flow, sway from my own path and get swept up in his vortex of amazingness and forever lose my own sense of self, passion, purpose, and desire. So I decided I needed to connect to myself, by myself.  I would go for a run, go outside, connect with nature, and meditate. I woke up and told him I would be back in an hour and started climbing down the ladder of our loft bed. As I stepped down the first step he stopped time and said:  Hey.  And when he had my attention he looked right into my eyes and my soul and then said You’re beautiful.  His words traveled into my being, into my heart and opened me like a flower. I was frozen for a moment as I allowed his words to enter my body and travel downward from my heart and into my womb. As I sat and fully received what he was transmitting to me, staying connected to his eyes, I organically and...
Love is Never Lost + The New Paradigm of Breaking up

Love is Never Lost + The New Paradigm of Breaking up

A text from him is all it takes for my heart to melt. Even after a year of being apart. No matter how far I am from him or who else I’m with, my heart still bursts open in his presence, even via text message. It’s a love so deep it makes me cry. My longing turns on fire when I think of him. For a while after we broke up, I couldn’t even see him without bursting into tears. Today I texted him to set up a lunch date before I fly away from Austin on my Dance Medicine World Journey, and when I thought of seeing him for lunch in a few days, I started crying. A FREAKING YEAR later and I still cry. They are not tears of sadness really. They are tears of heart opening joy and love. They are the tears of my desire. The remembering my heart has of what it feels like to be in so much viscous juicy love with another being. The remembering of what it feels like to be in communion with a good man, who worshiped me and I him. The tears are the cry of my soul in reminding me what I truly desire in life. The cultural delusion we create that says when you break up with someone all of the sudden you no longer love them, you’re not allowed to have feelings for them, you’ll have to just get over it, move on and be done with it, is at this point in my life such bullshit to me. Moving on has nothing to do...
I made HER the most important thing to me…

I made HER the most important thing to me…

I made her the most important thing to me. At first I wasn’t really listening. I was making her wrong. I was making her an obstacle in my way. Her fears and her emotions always got in my way of pushing forward, making money,and creating what I wanted. At first I thought she was wrecking my life: sabotaging my success and something I needed to get rid of. She was angry, sad, exhausted, burnt out and resentful. She was not happy. And she was making herself known in my life. Everything was ‘falling apart’. Nothing that used to ‘work’ worked anymore. I was a volatile, emotional mess. I didn’t really know what she wanted, I just knew that I was dying inside, getting sick all the time, and I was finally ready to listen. So I made her the most important thing to me. More important than everything: every task, every creation, every relationship…she was it for me. She became more important than making money. More important that having other people like me. More important than moving forward in my business. More important that manifesting the man of my dreams. She was it and that was that. Her and my relationship to her were now the only thing I was committed to. I always knew she was around when my body started to feel uncomfortable. My normal pattern was to abandon myself, to abandon her. Staying present with myself was a fight. Listening to what my thoughts were saying and what she was saying was terrifying for me. Staying inside my body while my thoughts were attacking me and...
Falling Apart is not a sign that everything is “falling apart”

Falling Apart is not a sign that everything is “falling apart”

I was conversing with a future version of myself today. I asked a deep question I seek answers to. She said: fully love and accept yourself and you will see. I felt my heart drop and heard myself say “But when I fully love and accept myself, everything in my life falls apart.” And my future self just smiled at me with love and said “yes it will. And what is on the other side of that is glorious.” It was right there that I had an Ah ha moment. “Holy Shit. This is what I’ve been telling everyone else. And now I see it being reflected back within myself. How did I not see this before?” Most recently I’ve been working with a few of my clients on their relationship challenges specifically around feeling insecure and jealous around other women and or noticing that the men they are just not matching their energy the way they want. I hear all kinds of things, but basically what it boils down to is some realization that they are unhappy because they don’t have time for, or just don’t do the things that naturally fill them up and make them happy. When I ask why they stop doing the things that fill them up, they say “well when I do that our relationship falls apart.” To which my response is “I see, so why are you trying to hold something together that falls apart when you be more you? If when you be more you, something starts to dissolve, don’t waste your precious life force energy trying to control it together....