Throw Away your Feminine Archetypes….and Be Yourself.

Throw Away your Feminine Archetypes….and Be Yourself.

What would you say if I asked you to throw out all your archetypes, goddesses, and inspirational females you try to model yourself after? I started my first Art of Feminine Presence class in boulder this week and the theme of the series is DEFINE YOUR OWN FEMININE ARCHETYPE. I encouraged my ladies to throw away goddesses, inspirational leaders, and other feminine inspirations OUT THERE for the duration of our series to give themselves the space to feel and receive their own core essence. Kinda radical I suppose, but you know me. Do archetypes help us embody aspects of ourselves, yes. They can. AND they can also leave those aspects right were we found them, in the archetypes never to be integrated. Here’s my experience, not theory.  At first, the archetypes and inspirations are a muse, an inspiration. They are the INITIATION, the way shower. But when you want to bring it into YOUR BODY, YOUR VOICE,  YOUR MOVEMENT, when you’re looking to females OUT THERE for this, the best you’re gonna get is still feeling like there is something missing inside of you, because what you want is perpetually OUT THERE. Until you go within and discover the visceral , tangible, sense and feeling of your own essence, and then begin the process of bringing the inside out so you can have your own impact and presence reflected back to you, you will always feel like you don’t know your own value. This last year has been pivotal for me because I used it to digest what I had learned, and it was not always easy or painless....
The Decent: My Sensual Meditation Practice

The Decent: My Sensual Meditation Practice

I am standing. It is 7am. I ground my feet, imagine roots from my feet into the floor. I stick my toungue out my mouth and breath out swiftly like a dog in heat and feel my pelvic floor relex. I relax my heart, soften my heart and shoulders, my legs are like tree trunks. I begin to imagine a glowing light in the center of my pelvis, 2 or 3 inches below my belly button, physically inside my pelvis. I breath this light; expansion and contraction, expansion and contraction. I imagine a warm dollop of honey at the base of my pelvis. Begin. Deep and moving music begins to play. I start to rock my hips forward and backward ever so slowly. My attention flows from my head, swirling and buzzing, down into the rocking of my hips. I feel the resistance as my forehead clenches and my eyes squint, it’s as if my third eye has it’s own eyelid and it wants to stay shut. I continue rocking my pelvis forward and backward, slowly, fluidly, pleasurably, as though I’m standing in a jar of honey. I soften my heart, I soften my jaw. The tension from the evenings sleep and the pain in jaw begin to melt away. I feel my energy in my throat and heart, my pelvis beckons my attention down down down. 2 Minutes: A thought pops into my mind and I’m back in the buzzing between my eyes. Ok Womb, I’m coming back down, I hear you. I think. God I’m terrible at getting out of my head, damn this gemini mind…. inner...
What Happens When a Man Shows you Where He Stands

What Happens When a Man Shows you Where He Stands

I’ll never forget the feeling, sitting next to him on the sidewalk, feeling his presence. He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t warm. Yet he wasn’t closed to me either. He was clear. He was standing his ground. He was driving his stake further into the earth. My body was reeling. All kinds of knots inside me were becoming present. Not the knots of danger or warning, but the knots of old held onto emotions, things to be let go of. The sort of knots that were putting me face to face with my self, with what I needed to look at and be responsible for. The places I had been placing blame I felt myself wanting to grab his attention, fix myself, fix him, do something to make the uncomfortable feeling in my body go away. I felt like I had disappointed him and myself. For a woman, there is a distinct flavor of feeling when a man that we love feels disappointed in us. It’s not the most fun feeling. It brings up all our deepest fears and emotions about abandonment and feeling unworthy. But what happened as I just sat, staying fiercly with myself and my own internal emotions instead of running from them, was quite amazing. I looked over at him and I felt so pulled in, I felt a polarity I hadn’t felt in a while. It was so strong. His face became even more attractive, his walk was more potent, he became that much more fuck-able. His center of gravity got deeper. This was the presence of a man who wasn’t willing...
Presence is a Movement: A Peak into the Stillness of the Heart

Presence is a Movement: A Peak into the Stillness of the Heart

For a moment, just a moment all the parts of you, all the selves collapse into one being. And you relax. Your heart is what it is, expanded or contracted. And it’s in those moments when I feel terrified or exhilarated, because it’s in those moments when I am really living my life. Immersed. It’s this practice. The surrender to this collapsing, this merging of selves (like merging all the layers in a photoshop document), that we learn to come back to over and over that brings us home. Bring us into our singular presence. Thoughts might not go away, but they melt through me like a ticker tape. My attention moves from my head to my heart to my womb to my whole center spiraling. Presence is a movement. A cyclical spiraling motion always beating and moving. Turning over and over like a turbine, constant flow. Receiving and giving, receiving and giving. And it’s the ability to be still with ALL of that aliveness inside of me, to hold all of that, but still let it move, still surrender, that helps me feel myself. Reference myself. Commune with the life around me. Feel into what is being asked of me. Command my intention. Being still with all of that is the most difficult thing of...