I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling lots of excitement, fear, angst, and joy all rolled into one so far in January. Last week I returned from Colorado for some holiday down time and immediately ( and I mean the very next day) moved all my stuff out of one house and moved into another. Since then I’ve been juggling my self care, my business, getting settled in my new house, and making sure my Art of Feminine Presence Classes that begin this week and next are filled.
I’m thrilled to report that despite my super meltdown sunday morning (moving through my fear of not being secure and not having enough money), that I have 2 full and one 80% full classes beginning this month. I tell you this so you know that it is possible and totally normal to be in fear, have meltdowns, feel exhausted and still have your business keep going. One thing that I always struggle with as a recovering underearner, a transitioning solo-preneur ( I’m bringing on my first team member this year!) and a 20-something who sometimes still feels like she can’t take care of herself is my own fear of being secure. Underneath it all there is a fear I have that I’ll be found out, that I have to look all put together, that I’ll do something wrong, that people will disconnect from me and not love me, and that I won’t survive…. can you relate?
As an act of self care this week after my move, I’m opting out of my usual video lesson for a written lesson and I want to talk about another fear that I think is one of the single most impeding fears that hold women back in their business and in their life all together. Let’s look at it together, and then I’ll share a few solutions with you.
The Fear of Being Seen
Including but not limited to similar fears such as putting ourselves out there, doing so much work and efforting so much only to be rejected or fail and etc.
So many women, including me, have a fear of being seen. We fear being seen as a bitch, overly nice, needy,too distant, rude, smothering, loud and obnoxious, too quiet and shy, too sexual, trying too hard, not trying hard enough, stupid, know it all, the prude, the whore… the list could go on forever.
This fear of being seen can show up big time in our business. I received this email from one of my current students and wanted to share it with you because I think she explains it better than I do:
“For example, in one class we covered the issue of “not wanting to be seen” and how we as women sometimes – at least for me – subconsciously do not want to be seen, judged, criticized…so we make ourselves ‘invisible”energetically! Well, that made a profound shift in my personal and biz life…as I realized that the reason I was struggling in biz was because I did not want to be seen! And the reason no one was asking me out was because I did not want to be seen! After allowing this simple yet powerful realization to really open me…I began to see increases in my financial flow…more people began hearing about my biz and men started asking me out!!! I finally was allowing myself to be seen! The feminine NEEDS and WANTS to be seen! I was in some way denying that part of my feminine based on past patterns and experiences. Not any more!”
Say it Sister! I actually see many clients who actually don’t WANT to be seen ( or so they make themselves think). They try to make themselves appear smaller and not take up so much space
Solution #1: Feel the fear and do it anyway. When I talk to my other colleges and mentors who’ve been successful in their life and business, this is what sets us apart. I STILL feel afraid to call my list of people who are interested in attending my classes and events, even the ones I have established relationships with. I just feel my fear, and I do it anyway. I actually use my fear as a marker that I should REALLY REALLY do that thing I’m afraid of. If you don’t you’ll end up in the same unfulfilling job, having the same unfulfilling relationships, and still dreaming about what you think you can’t have 5 years from now. Do you want to grow or do you want to stay in the same place you are now? It’s your choice.
Solution #2: Find some way to consciously practice increasing your personal presence, your feminine energy, and your confidence that you are valuable, you have something to offer this world, and to feel un-afraid to walk into a room and make your mark. A powerful and Feminine woman fearlessly creates a wake behind her as she walks. It’s not arrogant, it’s not fake, she is simply totally in love with her-self and with life and it oozes from her being. This is why we are so attracted to women like this. We want what they are having.
The best news is, you can have that too. It just takes practice. As you know, I have lots of resources for this, if you are an Austin local, you can come take my Art of Feminine Presence Classes, if you are not local you can get my Online Video Training Course, Grow your Glow , Join my upcoming Badass Business Chick Feminine Business Mastermind Sisterhood which begins in march, and at the very least, I highly recommenced that you read Powerful and Feminine: How to increase your magnetic presence and get the attention you want by Rachael Jayne Groover.
Solution #3: Take up all your space… and the space in the room: The best and most magnetic speakers and presenters take up all the space in the room. Whether they realize it or not, they think of themselves as energetic beings as well as physical ones. Next time you are putting yourself out there, try taking up all of your own space physically as well as the space in the room you are in. Check in with yourself, are you taking up all the space inside your body or are you stuck inside your mind chatter? Are you more comfortable taking up space in your heart area but not your pelvis area? Make notes of this. Now imagine that you are an energetic being and you can expand and take up the whole room. Notice how all of this feels.
We are all afraid to be seen in some way. The key is to feel the fear and do it anyway, consciously practice increasing your confidence and personal presence, and to learn to take up the space in your body as well as the energetic space in the room. You can look and feel more confident in an instant with a few key steps, I’ve done this with hundreds of women. But it takes practice. Most people won’t take the time to do that, but I know that you will because you are dedicated to your own personal growth and the growth of your business.
Remember, the only difference between you who will succeed and other people who won’t is that other people allow things to stop them from moving forward.
The world needs MORE and MORE women who want to be seen and who walk the planet making their mark with confidence and presence. I know that this is my goal, will you join me?
If you loved this week’s Badass Business Chick lesson ( the written edition), like it, send it out on facebook to your friends, and leave me a comment.
I wanna know:
- How did this week’s tip help you in your business?
- What is your biggest fear around being seen?
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Lauren I love you. You are so intune and right on time. I am feeling all of what you wrote about today. Met with a marketer yesterday to help me build a website and at the end of it I felt like, who am I to do this work? What if I fail and no one wants to do what Im offering. Tonight Im going to my life coach support group and feeling like I should just hide and not talk. After reading your email I feel so much better! I feel supported and understood and like Im gonna walk in there tonight full and glowing and rock it! I can offer my passion and be confident whether they like it or not! Thank you!
Thanks Lisa! I love you too!
Lauren – I REALLY liked this lesson – even more than the video ones! I am a reader/visual learner, so this one was easier for me to absorb. AND – the content is SO TRUE. I am so excited to take you Feminine Presence Class. Hugs.
Me too heather! Thanks for the feedback.
Lauren, thank you! You’re work and words are very appreciated! Fear is such a big blocker and it likes to stay hidden and quiet – and NOT BE SEEN! I’m so glad you brought that ugly monster out into the light to transform it into MORE feminine power, confidence and business success. It’s important we acknowledge our fear monster and it’s helpful to talk about it with a group of like-minded women so we all know it’s ok to be afraid, AND do it anyway!
Thanks karina!
I’ve got a habit of becoming invisible–sometimes even when I want to be seen. Thanks for the tips for claiming my own space. Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway® has long been my favorite mantra–ever since I read Susan Jeffers bestselling book. It really helped me to see that my “comfort zone” wasn’t so comfortable, that I needed to get out in the world in order to grow as a person. Your use of the phrase is particularly helpful with my “invisibility” problem. I can’t wait to apply it! Thanks.
Thanks Karrie!
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